Archive | June, 2010

Types of Facebook Users PART 2

30 Jun

1. Oldies And Youngies

The old ones have been avoiding technology while we were going through all the stages on by one. Email-messenger-orkut-facebook oldest-facebook old-facebook new-facebook newest. Now when everything is user friendly and easy, they decide to drop in. What is this facebook all these ‘youngsters’ keep talking about? M curious. Once they come out of hiding, they can’t believe all the wonders of the internet and can’t stop posting everything they find. 9 out of 10 times the newbie will be your mom/dad.

I have a lot of ‘elders’ who are there on facebook and its not exactly a nice feeling when they bring up all the status updates, pictures, games, posts, comments..basically everything I do online is brought up in face to face or phone conversations.

Typically they don’t have more than 40 friends out of which 35 don’t do anything besides putting up a profile picture and adding name, contact details. So their walls gets covered with all MY updates and so the information upload.

Seeing teachers as people outside college also takes a little time getting used to. But by now I am comfortable enough to ‘chat’ with them about exam results and the next days schedule.

The kids are literally stomping all over facebook. The cousins and siblings. You meet one of these and before you reach home their friend request is waiting in the inbox. Also they leave no opportunity to chat with didi/bhaiya. These kids have the sole aim of having the maximum friends on their list and spend hours completing levels on Farmville, Pet society, Mafia wars etc. They see 5 mutual friends and send a friend request whether they actually know the person or no.

Honestly there should be different face-books for different age groups. Social networking is not a family tree-ing. Which also means that siblings and parents should be spoken to and kiss-ed and i love you-ed at home.

2. The Ones Who Never Reply

The friends who accuse you for not being in touch even though you actually truthfully try to be in touch with occasional wall posts/comments/chats etc. either they don’t reply at all or make it so short that the conversation dies.

3. The Long Time No See

Every once in a while you a typical ‘ssup? Where the hell have you been?’ from these friends. All okay till 2-3 messages back and forth. After that they go back to their hiding and disappear totally to resurface in winters.

4. The Like It All. Comment It All

Any post – picture, quiz result, status, friend additions anything at all, they can not let it pass from in front of their eyes without commenting or atleast liking it. I think they basically do it so that others comment/like their stuff.

The guys who don’t have the courage to talk to girls in person make it the purpose of their lives to comment on every girl’s picture by writing – “You look so beautiful”, “What a beautiful picture” and more such dumb ass comments.

The girls on the other hand spend their time commenting “hawt” and “mwaaaaah” and “awwwwww chooo chweeet” and “looking gorgeous sweeety” and love you daaahlingg” even on the pictures of people (bitches) they actually hate in real life only so that their pictures are not left alone. After uploading pictures they waits for hours until somebody finally comments on one of their pictures (and they immediately comment back with “shittt I look sooooo fat in that one yaa”. If you know that then why did you upload it?) Typically they get really mad when others do not comment back or write on their wall. Getting comments makes these people feel good and important.

And all those pages ‘friends’ like in multitudes – I like the cold side of hot maggi, I chew on my pencil lead, I wake up at 3 in the night to poo, my brothers got lice on his head, my mom shouts on me all day, I flunk in every exam, I love talking to beggars….endless. Who the heck creates them anyways?

5. The Relationship Status

Single-complicated-committed. Every time something happens in their personal life, they MUST change their relationship status. If they have a fight, it becomes “single” or “its complicated”. If they make up, its “committed”. All these relationship status changes can happen within the span of several days or even hours. Maybe they do it to piss of their mate or maybe…Maybe somehow feel that the entire universe cares about their relationship status.

Some even put in “married” and “living with kids” to grab attention or (like they claim) to shoo away the female attention. Sure.

6. The Multiple Accounts

Mostly it’s the younger ones who create multiple accounts for the purpose of doing well fast in the games. But sometimes others also keep deleting and creating accounts. Or simply they remove you one day from the friend list and add you back a few weeks later.

Create as many accounts as you want. Just please don’t add me to each on of them because I like to keep things organized. Even friend lists.

7. You And Me

We hate all the above people on facebook but we must login at the smallest chance to stalk people. Or suffer withdrawal symptoms and a sense of emptiness.

Mere paas facebook hai orkut hai gmail hai skype hai yahoo hai msn hai twitter hai. Tere paas kya hai??

Mere pas kaam hai.


Types of Facebook Users PART 1

27 Jun

About 2 years ago someone asked me “Are you on facebook?” and I was like “Am I on WHAT??” atleast 3times. I mean what kind of a word is facebook?? Agreed its less weird than orkut but still face ka book?! Today I have about 250 friends and even a lot of family on ‘facebook’. It is a good way to keep in touch with people but why the information overload?

Despite hating it with passion I spend enough time there to be able to comparmentalise facebook users into 14 categories.

A Google search for “types of people on facebook” will get you About 58,300,000 results (0.20 seconds) but none of them were Indian in the essence. So here is a list of “Types Of Facebook Users” that I have personally suffered from.

Before you start going down the list, I want to apologize in advance if any of the type fits you. I know I have been there (unintentionally) in a lot of places listed below :)

Level of annoyance is top to bottom.

1. The Status Updater

Status update, the 160-character message that users post in response to the question, “What’s on your mind?” can be an artful, witty or newsy status update that can be a pleasure to read and provide you with a real-time, tiny window into a friend’s life.

Status updaters are of many kinds and almost all of them are annoying. They come online only to update status because they have no real work here and no one cares about them except the similar ones who comment on these ‘statuses’ hoping to get comments on their equally stupid status. Some people actually go to the length of asking you to comment on their crap. How desperate are you?


(All of them are real. Not the best I could find but whatever I could manage in 10mins.)

  • Philosophical

Politics and philosophy are annoying enough in person but when someone decides to copy paste every stupid philosophical thought they come across (about love and life generally) as their status then why doesn’t someone tell them its NOT cool or interesting?

We can’t do anything about the length of your life, but we can certainly do something about its width and depth”

“If the task is performed in the consciousness that God is my companion then the impossible is possible”

To laugh at someone else’s misfortune is to display your own ignorance

The political ones are equally annoying especially if they exceed one line. Once in a while such things are okay but everytime all the time?? Why don’t you just put this up permanently “MY LIFE IS BORING”

  • Vague

God Dammit…I think ma mind is covered by some Carbon Dioxide and Methane in its atmosphere… Help me, its Global fucking warming in ma head…Ma eyes r facin d polar ice meltin nd the climate of ma head is on d rockz…Believe me guys, its nt d Whiskey dis time bt jst a stupid presentation…Yeah, dats wat it is…

wish i could keep u much longer (heart symbol)

life is so unfair … :(

miss lonely

feelin so lost. y lyf has so much pain??

hw can some1 whom v trust d most, hurt us til d core????

@lways together… yet forever apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious — just nonsensical.

You want sympathy? Ask for it.

  • Obscene

They are the ones who put up stuff like how much they enjoy drinking or making out. I don’t even wana put up one of those as examples here. Okay your family and you are cool but we are still backward. Please respect that just a little bit.

  • Countdowns

These people actually put up countdowns as long as 3weeks and without fail count all 21 days. And if by mistake you ask them what are they counting for, itl be either –“bas yaar hai kuch personal. Cant tell ya.”Abbe cant tell me toh fir yaha countdown kyu kar raha hai? Or itl be something stupid like results.

  • Show offs

It’s gonna be a crazzy nite!!

monday morning :( sucks !!!

come bak to bombay soon (name tags) n we will partieeee in pune and bombay…dubai is kinda boring now.

no more hangoverss!!

Plan 4 vacations almost set… :)

I get it. My life is boring. Yours is not. Now stop rubbing it.

Sombdy freak pray 4 me, m totally screwd up…2 presentations today nd m nt yet prep. :'(…Its jst kinda freakin me opf…

Okay so why are you wasting time here? Go prepare for that whatever.

Well…Hopin 4 sum 1 to get well soon… :)Else m gonna get unwell soon… :'(

Yeah we know you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. But who doesn’t? And if you are so worried about her/him go spend time with her/him rather than wasting it here.

  • Constant weather updates

Its okay for the first rains and exceptionally hot days maybe but honestly we do have a television to watch the weather updates. You can stop trying to save the world.

  • Song lyrics

I don’t mind if it’s a particularly catchy line from some nice song once in a while but what is Kyu tune dil toda, kyun tune yuh choda, kyun tera ab bhi rahe dil ko intezar……”

It takes 15mins just to understand whats going on.

  • Symbols

Defe@t i$ nt bitter unle$$ u sw@llow it…!!!;)

d ide@l attiude i$ 2 b physically loo$e n ment@lly tight.!!!;)

It looks cool if you are 10. Not 22.

I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world but these make you sound like a moron.

  • Let me tell you every detail of my day

Probably the worst category who cannot let an hour pass without updating their status. Thanks to facebook, you know everything that this user does from the moment they wake up, their status is being updated. We know when they eat, when they use the bathroom, how they are feeling and countless other useless information about this user.

LISTEN . I don’t care! No one does. Get a life.

2. The Photo Uploaders

Tagging yourself in a picture is acceptable but having 1,000+ pictures of yourself is not only lame, it’s narcissistic.  We know your cool with your 2000+ friends list and we don’t need to be reminder by the 1,000+ pictures of you standing in front of your mirror striking poses and eating dinner.

  • Upload everything

These are typically the kind who take pictures with the sole aim of uploading them on facebook and title it with ‘random’ most of the times. They absolutely have to put up a photo of everything they do even if it is peeing. Yes. Some guys get themselves clicked in that pose (from behind thankgod) AND put it on world wide web. Thankfully girls don’t do it yet.

Believe me when I say I have come across an album titled “my accident” which had pictures of this guy displaying his raw wounds very fresh from some road accident and a few bandages. Gross to infinity.

Pictures were originally meant to show your best. What is it supposed to mean now?

  • Strike a pose

Tilt your head – Cute? Sometimes maybe. Stupid? Everytime.

The middle finger/ Peace sign – Cool? No. Lame? Yes.

Pouty lips, Hug your girls buddies – Sexy? Defiantely no. Homo? Mostly.

  • Cropped pictures that show only a part of your face

To hide the scary bits obviously.

  • In huge numbers

These are basically an extension of the first one – Upload everything. They go to every event with a camera in hand and takes hundreds of pictures. 15 minutes after attending any event, the pictures are already posted (waiting to be commented on). They don’t mind staying up the whole night to upload the nation-saving pictures. Typically their albums from every party/holiday rum into series of 1 2 3 and they don’t understand the meaning of word “selective”. How else can you explain the ‘what the hell is that’ hazy pictures, duplicate pictures and the most irritating – the rotated pictures that make sense after 90 degree head tilt.

  • People wearing not much clothes

I think these people are the social workers doing their bit for the starved males out here. Or the gay men seducing other gay men. No more comments.

  • Internet PDA Couple profile Picture

I know you are madly in love with eachother but sometimes somethings CAN be said in words.

3. The Inviter – Games/Applications/Quizzes/Social causes

By far THEEE most irritating. They never get tired of sending requests to cram your inbox. With great difficulty I have managed to block a lot of this nonsense but there is always something new.

Yes there was a time when I played Business tycoon and Pet society but the SHORT phases can be excused with curiosity. I have never understood all the obsession with Farmville. What do I do with this lost VIRTUAL black baby sheep you found on your farm? Even after bluntly saying I don’t want to play mafia wars or roller coaster park with you why do you still keep sending Multiple requests?

Some quizzes are so ridiculous that you cant stop yourself from taking them but since long facebook has started giving you an OPTION whether to publish the results/send requests to your friends or no. Use it people. You can spend all the time you want getting to know what day of the week are you, or the kind of sex position that suits you best or whatever else catches your fancy but please spare the others.

And how does it save Stripey the cub if I join this group? I admire your enthusiasm but do something real if you care so much for the planet.

4. The Always Online

Log in at whatever time of day (or night) and you WILL find them online. Even though they don’t trouble you as such but its creepy to see them online Always.

5. The Supposedly Famous Ones

Typically they have over 600 friends half of which are firangis with unpronounceable names. I have seen you in person and you are not even 1/4 as cool as it looks online. You are the most boring person I have ever met and the only thing you talk about is studies. The secret is out. You spend all your time looking for people you barely know and keep adding them.

Besides all those wall posts from people about losing your number and asking you to call them etc makes it clear that people are just pretending to care because its good to be friends with nerds. And the once a year they probably go out with friends is exaggerated with a lot and lot and lot of pictures posted online.

6. The Chatters

Chatting is one of the best babies of internet. Email is cool but chatting is now. And when facebook added this feature m sure everyone was happy. Or not. It doesn’t yet provide you an option to be invisible. You can either be online or offline. I mostly prefer staying offline because of people who-

  • Say hi and vanish

Firstly they start a conversation but beyond a Hi and Ssup, either they stop replying or talk in monosyllables. May be talking less and replying late makes you look busy. And seeing a lot of chat windows open in front of them makes them feel important.

  • Too much chat lingo

I kinda gt iritatd vn sm1 toks 2 me lik dis 4 2 long. cud b gr8 4 ya. bt it meses ma mind. vn vil u stp it? I gtg. lol.

Before someone accuses me, let me clarify that I don’t write like that 98% of the time. The 2% that I do write is mostly in sms but that’s because beyond 160 characters it becomes a second msg for which you are charged. And when I have the free messaging scheme I write full words. But otherwise also I have nothing against chat lingo. Only that a little too much gets a little too much.

  • The Chat Rat

This one has nothing better to do than to chat with innocent people on facebook. Stop trying to chat with us because we won’t take your phone calls. Because at the end of the day, this isn’t a chatroom. And stop LOLing on everything.

7. The Long Lost Friends

We were good friends…Once. About 12 years ago (which makes me feel so old). Thank you for remembering me and taking the pains to look for me. Its actually a nice surprise if you get an add request from some really old friend. But then it would be nicer if these friend talks after adding you. After the introduction and where are you, these ones never say anything.Why did you add me? Just to increase your friend list? Or to see whether I am fat and ugly now?

This type also includes the people you knew but weren’t really friends with. No harm in accepting the friend request because it looks rude if you don’t, but some guys get creepy. They scan your profile like a bug – every bit, every photo. Then they catch you online and ask all sorts of questions.

Shameful Show…

24 Jun

WORLD EXPO 2010 at Shanghai, India had a chance to show the world that it is a new economic, IT and military force to reckon but it failed miserably.With a theme of “Unity in Diversity”India spent a $9 millions to put of stalls on samosa, naan, lassi, rotis, yoga, shawl to name a few.Don’t know what the India goverment tried to show putting up these stalls but surely if the government has to portray India as a country with immense talent,technology,youth, and as a serious competitor tochina these are not the things to put up on display. Where were the stalls on IT industry, telecom industry,technological advancements in India… the real things showing modern India??It should have been a platform to show the world the new INDIA, the growing economy, the growing IT industry, the muscles of India…the strong India not some rural and traditional India. India should have used this platform to show the world that INDIAN TIGER is capable of defeating the Giant CHINESE DRAGON which even the US is afraid off , thus giving confidence to countries which want India to be a superior power house t china.Seriously competing with samosa’s is not a good idea.
One thing to be look forward too was the stall of INCREDIBLE INDIA …but i wished there had been someone to attend to the stall. The stall put to showcase yoga too was disappointing, two people performing different yoga aasans in a black tights and dull brown t-shirts. Seriously, why would people ,who already have traditional yoga equivalent,spend time seeing two people breathing air in and out in different style and in different positions, they would rather spend time at the beautiful stalls set by Pakistan, Saudi Arabia and various other countries.

Its time that the government takes these world expo’s seriously. I feel these expo’s are a window to the world to see the nation, its advancements,strengths,talent,industries.Expo’s are the places where a lot of trade and new trading relations are made.Showcasing things which can bring investments into the country should be the basic theme of India.Having a traditional theme and spending millions of dollars and just achieving goodwill of other countries is not enough atleast for a growing a economy like India.I personally feel when u invest u should invest intelligently to get back much more returns.Hope India breaks even after investing 9million dollars in the going on Shanghai World Expo 2010.

Indian Television

22 Jun

I always thought that a sitcom and a soap are different names for the same thing. A bit of ‘research’ (Google) made me understand the difference, which according to me is subtle. As far as I understood from wikipedia, Sitcom is necessarily comedy and soap could be other genres as well.

Here is the definition –
A television situation comedy, often shortened to
sitcom, is a genre of comedy that features recurring characters in a common environment such as a home or workplace.
Indian soap operas are
soap operas written, produced, filmed in India, episodes broadcast on a daily/weekly/semi-weekly basis on Indian television channels and are not often limited to the Republic of India itself. Commonly they are known as “serials”.

So on the basis of above understanding the SAB tv prime times seem to fall under the category of sitcoms and STAR plus, ZEE , Sony etc fall under soaps. This of course is a broad classification.

Now the question that bothers me everytime I watch TV is that ‘Why do I prefer watching STAR World to STAR plus?’ Despite all the proud feelings i have about being an Indian, why cant I watch ‘Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai’ if  ‘Scrubs’ is running at the same time (9.30 pm) even though for a really really long time I did not know that the title refers to a clothing worn by medical staff while I clearly know the meaning of all the 5 words that make up the name of hamara Indian serial? And the worst part, I prefer watching a re-run of scrubs rather than a fresh episode of Yeh Rishta..

The key word we are looking for is “realistic”. Yes.

  1. No one goes to sleep with 10 layers of makeup and pallu on the head.
  2. Neither does anyone wakeup with lipstick and kajal perfectly in place and still be asked to ‘get ready’.
  3. The villions in real life can not be distinguished with the devilish make up and clothes and unfortunately they dont have a background music playing behind them.
  4. No one lurks around every corner of my house eavesdropping on the secret talks.
  5. Heck I dont even have any secrets.
  6. I have never been lucky enough to mess up every single thing I have been ever asked to do and  still in the end everything turns out well. Sab theek Nai ho jata hai.
  7. The jokes that make us laugh aren’t so poorly poor.

Enough has been said about the Ekta Kapoor serials so i would not talk about them. Infact I believe that the woman has clearly identified her target audience and is delivering to them. Though she has already crossed the peak but still there is loyal viewership. Right now I can not quote the names of any Ekta Kapoor serials as the ones that are in news these days are from other production houses. To break away from stereo types she even tried Mahabharat, Horror show and a couple of movies. But most of the things bummed. So what is the harm in sticking to a tried and tested formula that works everytime. Losing a lot of money is definitely no fun. The only problem is, we do not happen to be the target audience. So its upto us to look for alternatives rather than making fun of her.

My bigger problem is with serials that give a false hope of ‘being different’. For example the lot on the channel Colours seemed to be genuinely different but most of them have fallen on the same old storyline. Conniving in-laws and helpless, kind, taken advantage of protagonist. I mean honestly who on earth is a saint like Iccha?! I remember being keen to see soaps dealing with ‘problems’ like Child marriage (Balika Vadhu), obsession with fairness (Bidaai), female infanticide (Laado) and a couple of other embarrassing ones. Actually, yes. It is kind of embarrassing to tell people that you watch These serials. This is something to be done at home but not to be talked about! All of the above mentioned serials started out well but have now fallen flat on the same track. The production keeps on giving twists and turns but its literally irritating for to watch the same dialogues being mouthed on every show with the same tears and gaudy sarees. The best part is you can follow the serial just by watching the promos! As it is in a 30min schedule, 15-20min is advertisements. Which by the way shows just how popular these programmes are.

Sadly for us even SAB TV has been shot with a PJ gun. Honestly what is up with all the gujratiness?? It used to be funny. 8 years ago. And is it too much to ask for a ‘real’ funny series. Something we laugh with and not laugh at.

Now this being our dose of sitcoms, why does it have to be so forced? I used to like FIR with the haryanvi female police inspector and her sidekicks, Office-Office was also good. Even Tarak Mehta was laughable but why does it all have to be past tense? Why isn’t anything good running Right Now in vacations?!

If you happen to read newspaper interviews of any TV stars or even movie stars, they defiantly rattle out a list of fav shows on TV which is almost always Friends, Simpsons etc. How come they don’t watch what they work in? What you don’t like seeing yourself on screen?! Weird!

And invariably they express a desire to be given a chance to work on something similar on Indian Television. I am so sure that money is not a problem and even audience is ready. So then why not??

While writing all this I just realized that Sanjeevni is apparently the Indian version of Scrubs!!! Is it?? What is it called these days in season 2…Dil Mil Gaye??

Having romantic relationship at work is perfectly believable but then where on earth do I find a hospital where doctors are covered in tattoos and come to work with the top 4 buttons of the shirt open?? And where are all those female doctors in the ‘designer’ suits, high heels and perfect hair? Do these people ever work? Oh yeah I remember seeing some one in a green mask….

Everyone seems to be dating everyone. All of them have huge secrets to protect and they are more than often drunk dancing to latest bollywood numbers.

Nice fun huh. I wish I was a doctor too.

One show that I really really really liked was “Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai”. I would love to know why did they discontinue it and put those brilliant people out of work. Poor Rosesh is doing something called ‘Mr and Mrs Sharma Allahbad wale’ and I saw Monisha last in Desi Fear Factor. The whole setting was so believable. Now again some people would say that people like those do not exist but for me that much is excusable! Like I visualized Harry Potter and it felt like its possible. This was definitely much more closer than that. If nothing else, can we atleast have the repeats of Sarabhai?? You think there would be a torrent??

Which brings me to another question….why do we not have torrents of Indian Serials?? Simple I guess..its hard enough to watch them once. And they never end.

So which one do you love to hate?

Corporal punishment in schools

22 Jun

Rouvanjit, 13, was found hanging by a rope in a room on the roof ofhis home in Alipore on February 12. He was a student of La Martinier School, Kolkata, one of the most prestigious schools of the city. The principal,Sunirmal Chakraborty and four teachers are facing arrest for allegedly abetting the suicide of a class-VIII student.
His father Ajay Rawla says the five accused had been torturing Rouvanjit, both mentally and physically, which prompted him to take the extreme step, four months after the suicide, the familylodged a police complaint against the principal and the teachers. They say , that they were ina state of shock for the first few months after the tragedy, but later started probing the reasons for the suicide.
The principal admitted he was guilty of breaking the law (corporal punishment is banned by law) but his intention was not to hurt the boy.
Rouvanjit is said to have been punished on various occasions for misconduct . Chraborty says “It was meant to drive home the fact that he had left the school and myself with no other option. Two mild strokes were all that I had administered and he didn’t look particularly distressed either. But it was a mistake and we have archived that cane. It broke because it was old and frayed, not because I had lashed it violently. It is unfair to link the caning to the death of the 13-year-old ”
The cane with which Rouvanjit Rawla was whacked has been ‘archived’. Never again will a student be caned, the school said. They are looking for alternative ways to control unruly students but says it will desist from resorting to any punitive measure that could leave them scarred — physically or mentally.
Rouvan, said the family, “always played with his rope”, using it to swing down the stairs rather than walk down. “He practised knots. He was probably doing that. There was a cardboard carton below the hook that he must have been standing on. It tore down the middle. That is how we found it. It was an accident.”According to them he can never comitt suicide. They remember him as a cheerful teenager who could be friends with anyone from six to sixty.

Personally I feel it is unfair to link the suicide with the canning.I am not trying to justify the canning in schools or hitting children even at home but t other reasons must be probed. Being the kind of naughty cheerful person the boy was, is it possible that he got humiliated to the extent of ending his life? There could be other reasons he had. Besides, the family itself claims that he used to play with the rope often. And canning unfortunately being a regular practice all over the country but does it alone drive students to suicide? If it is such a strong catalyst, half the population would be dead by now, especially in village pathshalas.AND can we also please pay attention to beating children at home?by parents? How many Indians can boast of a childhood free from beatings (justified with whatever reason)?

Yes the law should be implemented strictly and corporal punishment effectively banned ATLEAST in schools. But should we ignore the ‘tradition’ of discipling children by whacking them. You did this??slaaaap. You did not do that??slaaaap.Along with training teachers to handle students better by making them understand child psychology and suggesting ways to deal with a particular situation, can we not do the same with parents.

Beaten by a teacher, a child can atleast go complain to the parents. But if beaten by a parent whom does he go tell? We definitely are not a 911 country yet. Anything happens you call 911. I am sure the police would be helpless as here it is the parent’s “right” to beat his child if he thinks its necessary.I know we have all heard stories how children in america call the police and to get the parents thrown into jail and parents being ‘scared’ of children.We most definitely do not want that happening here. All that i am suggesting is that parents and teachers instead just saying “consider me your friend” , they should ‘prove’ themselves as friends. And friends don’t hit each other for mistakes.

The scariest thing is that a 13year old actually had the courage to kill himself..

Men’s Beauty Products

22 Jun

Before I started writing this piece, I wanted to collect the stats for the sale of men’s fairness creams in India. I had no idea what to type in Google so I started randomly with “Indian obsession with fair skin” and got about 48,000 results in 0.22 seconds. Till that moment I was feeling proud of myself for thinking about ‘something different’ to talk about. But what you WILL see is that all those articles talk about“” Why is it bad to give preference to fair skin “” and here I will talk about“”Why I find it wierd “”. Get the difference??

No matter how much we criticize people for giving preference to pale skin, at a certain level everyone believes that fair is good. It often translates into being beautiful.Traditionally it was women who were obsessed (made to obsess) with fairness as being dark would mean no good marriage proposals. In India, you can insult a women by calling her dark! A typically matrimonial reads like – “Looking for a slim, homely and fair girl for our son”Who is to ask what the son looks like?

I have heard that the children generally inherit the colour of the darker parent simply because black is dominant over white. So if the bahu is fair but son in ‘wheatish’ most probably the kids will be ‘wheatish’ too.
Even though white boys have always been considered ‘handsome’ but male obsession with fairness was never out in the open. I always thought that guys don’t care wether they are dark or otherwise. Infact I even thought that being too fair might be embarrassing for them. And that is why I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw Emami Fair and Handsome back in 2005. I was like “what kind of a man would ever buy a fairness cream?!” Next thing I see is Shahrukh Khan, John Abhrahim and Shahid Kapoor selling facial foams, whitening moisturizers, multi white facial creams lightening, brightening, clearing, whitening, anti-pigmentation, freshening, anti-dullness and illuminating as their success stories. Conclusion : if you are dark, you wont even get a job. Forget girrrls dude! Apparently the men’s fairness products market is estimated at Rs.175 crore (nearly $40 million) and is growing at the rate of 25 percent, while the women’s fairness market is growing at jussst 7 to 8 percent.

I even came across the Kaya Skin Clinic for men’s advertisement which said “grow a beard and hide bad skin or get kayas expert skin care solutions for men” So looks like men not only like fair skin but are even ready to spend the money. As much as it takes. Self grooming is necessary and hygienic. Till perfumes and after shaves is okay. Heck even uni-sex clothes bhi chalega. But what is up with the manicure, pedicure, waxing, threading, hair styling, facials, exotic spa massages, pink fitted clothes and beyond. It’s the uber cool ‘metrosexual’ man. Though I have never met any metrosexual (my dad uses sunscreen. Does that count??) but in my mind metrosexual and homosexual always come together. I know its not true but then the definition of macho is different. Or atleast it used to be.

The preference for fair skin has been exploited by the manufacturers of fairness creams. Nothing wrong in that according to me because they are just selling what people demand. Portraying fair skin as necessary for success is wrong. Experts (doctors and psychologists) say that obsession with fairness is sort of a colonial hangover. Generations have spent their lives under foreign rule. Whether the lighter skinned Aryans ruling over the Dravidians, the beautiful Mughals with light hair and green eyes taking over the Rajputana empires, or the British oppressors. The more powerful one in all cases has been the lighter skinned breed and that is why people tend to idolize the lighter skinned ones amongst us. Perfectly Logical. We still are in awe of gora people. But honestly why cant people understand simple things like sun exposure, melanin and genetics?! Do they honestly believe that a miracle cream can change what god gave them? At 10 Indian Rupees a sachet? Are they least bothered by side effects? According to dermatologists Long-term use of these creams may cause cancer, kidney problem, irritation and disfigure the skin. And no matter how fair you are by Indian standards, once you go abroad, you will still be considered Asian no?

Even though I never discriminate people because they are dark or light, but personally I would prefer being on the fair side. Simply because –
1.It somehow makes me look more clean
2.I don’t have to worry about the colours.
Dark people have to be careful while choosing what colour to wear. I mean wearing bright pink would get tricky! What I love is all those home remedies for removing the tan. Aata, besan, dood, dahi, mala in all permutations and combinations depending on the type of skin. My mother would definitely faint at the idea of acquiring a fake tan. When I was small my grandparents would call me very very fair. Now it has come down to the level of only fairisshh.

Obviously humans are never satisfied with what they have. They always find a reason to be unhappy. Like we want to be fair, the fair people want the perfect tan. It’s considered exotic and beautiful because it is associated with rich people who can afford to go on big beach vacations. Here the lighter skinned people are associated with beauty, royalty and wealth, while the darker skinned people are seen as labor-class, who spend a lot of time working in the sun. A fair bride would thus be a matter of prestige for the family, as it shows that she comes from a wealthy family, and therefore has brought with her immense amounts in dowry.

The obsession with skin colour is so much that we dint even spare Gods. Shiva and Krishna bhagwaan are supposed to be dark coloured in the earthly incarnations(The Sanskrit word kṛṣṇa means black, dark or dark-blue and is used as a name to describe someone with dark skin) but HOW can we have a black god?? Oh my god! Lets make them blue quick and cover it with stories of supernatural.

My favorite part is all the hypocrites criticizing Indian obsession with fair skin. They are generally the hot shot fashion-modeling-acting sorts. All the sudden craze on the international runway scene for Asian and African models is : For lending ethinicity to the ramp and collection.Clothes stand out more on dark skin and are thus noticed better.India Vogue’s latest issue issupposedly tackling colour prejudice within the country with a cover promoting darker skinned models. Yeah right! Is it possible for these barely there girls in barely there clothes to look like that without photoshop? But still it’s a good thing if they trying to change the mindsets because dark girls do have it difficult in a lot of places. Sometimes exactly the way they show in fairness cream ads and movies and serials (saloni ka safar and bidai). But honestly dude for men?? How come all those African American rappers have girls in all colours seducing them? What are they using? Emami black and bling? Looking at the market of 175 crores (which I still cant believe) obviously the manufacturers did the ground studies well before launching you-know-what. According to a recent study by Hindustan Unilever showed how men in southern states and tribal areas are fervent purchasers of whitening creams. *shudder*

What was that….Tall dark handsome huh?? Does that still exist?

“Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.”

– Denis leary

Congress government- A Government without SPINE

12 Jun

The Congress government again proved that it had always been a party without spine. Whether its the issue of Afzal Guru, Ajmal Kasab,Ottavio Quattrocchi or now Warren Anderson the Congress Government has never been able to take a tough stand on bringing them to justice. Fugitives are not even afraid to visit the country, the biggest example being, the visit of Douglas Devnanda,a member of the visiting Sri Lanka delegation, accused of murder and kidnap for ransom.

More shameful for the government is the fact that, the then Rajiv Gandhi government actually Mr Rajiv Gandhi himself is being accused to have allowed Anderson to leave the country very well knowing that once he leaves he wouldn’t come back ever. This is what the people of Bhopal got for then voting a congress government in the sate as well as in the center. The name of Warren Anderson was not on even on the wanted list of CBI website till recently.

The government has always tried to have a better bilateral relationships with other countries than giving preference to its own citizens.Anderson being a US citizen, the government surely must have been under pressure of US and thus allowed him to leave. Similar will be the story with the nuclear deal with India falling into a US trap.

Its high time that the government took a tough stand on the factors affecting the nation whether it is Warren Anderson, Afzal Guru, naxalites or price rise.