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Sheila ki ye wali jawani…

2 Feb

You have seen Katrina the Sheila,  ki jawani but have you seen this Sheila’s Jawani?????!

Amazing!

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Auto Wala

1 Feb

Rickshaaaaaa…rickshaaaaaaa

I have come across ao many kinds of Auto wala’s here in Bombay, day after day every day….Basically the rickshaw wallas are of two types – The Marathi manoos & The UP-Bihari or the bhaiya.I guess Marathi ‘taxi drivers’ are more common so you come across the second category more often.

Catching an auto is not as simple as it looks. First you have to know where exactly to stand in case of crowded areas. Then you need to lie about the destination very carefully. If you are the lucky one, the journey starts. Finally comes the part of parting with the money.

At sometime all of us have encountered most of these fellows….

Stage 1 : Station chaloge??

1. The unstoppable – won’t stop anywhere or for anyone who committed the mistake of desiring an auto. His pleasure is in teasing people with an empty auto.

2. The surveyor – will slowly drive through the crowd listening to every ones request, but will ultimately leave without taking anyone. His sole duty is to collect statistical data about where people want to go the most. At times he might just take in that one lucky person who happens to ask for the destination the surveyor is headed to.

3. First come first serve – is the kind everyone likes. He says yes to whoever asks first. No fuss about the destination either. Pure service at heart.

4. The creative artist – has amazing excuses for not taking you on board. Mujhe toh west mein jana hai – gas nahi hai utna door jane ke liye – khana khane jaa rha ho – rasta nai pata – break fail ho gya hai – meter kharab hai – uss side bohot traffic jaam hai.

5. Long distance communicator – he who refuses from a mile away .Even before you dare to open your mouth or even come in an audible radius, he starts shaking his head vigorously refusing to take anyone. May be he is just out there on a drive and his drive happens to be an auto.

6. The sexist – he refuses to men but takes in the women. I understand it must be very frustrating for the other sex. But that is just how the world is.

Stage 2 : The cruise

1. Slow and steady wins the race – you have heard about the “The tortoise and the rabbit”. This one believes in the old saying and drives accordingly. You will meet him whenever you are getting late.

2. Speed racer – his heart belongs to Nascar league. Simply put, he’s the killer on the road. Test the limit of the speedo meter, sway and cut, twist and turn, overtake, curse and basically a thrilling roller coaster ride. Full Paisa vasool.

3. DJ on wheels – spends time and money pimping his ride. LEDs, lights, mirrors, velvet upholstery, sexy pictures and woofers blasting everything from Munni to Akon to Bhojpuri folk. Full dhinkchak! Fun usually but sometimes not.

4. The curious cat – he starts with a simple deceiving question like ‘time kya hua hai?’ You answer and 5 minutes later you regret. You have fallen into a spiral of conversation that no amount of monosyllabic talking can put an end to. All sorts of questions about yourself or general commentary. Mostly irritating but can be enlightening too. Friends have told me about this one fellow who told them about his private life. Then there was one who turned out to be an emotional guy who did not take money because the passenger was a native of the someplace near the auto walla’s village. How sweet! The ‘I am a fauji’s child’ has also worked for some. So he can actually be cool.

5. Con – will take you in and half way through will ask if you know the way further. If you do, no sweat. But if you don’t, be prepared to walk home with a super slim wallet; more so after the increased fares. He shall take full advantage of your ignorance and take the longest route to earn the max he can. Scary.

6. The angel – just the opposite of the con is the angel who knows all the shortcuts. He will swerve through galli’s you cant reach by foot. Will make you suspicious and worried but you will thank the messiah when you reach the destination before the anticipated time.

Stage 3 : Kitna hua???

1. The generous one – he lets go one two or sometimes even three rupees if you don’t have change. Lot of times I lie about not having change and save 2-3 bucks so that I don’t have to suffer when I the meet the number 2 category.

2. Change do sahib whatever be the fare, this guy never, I repeat Never, has change. Not for 10 not for 20 not for 50. Don’t even dream about 100! Because of him you have to buy cholrmint, happydent and what not. Ugghh!

3. Kanjoos makkhi choos – won’t leave even 50 paise. If you don’t have change; he will have change.  For every currency note for every coin. He carries it all in a pouch. He will even give 9 rupees back from a tenner.

4. Meter rigger – impossible to catch before the damage is done. He rigs the meter so it runs fast and he makes extrrra cash. Unfortunately you won’t know it happened until it happens.

She caught my eye…as I walked on by

14 Aug

So today Eddy tells you how he met the love of his life – Mauli. She is his first (and hopefully last) serious girlfriend.

**Disclaimer

  1. Obviously Mauli is name inspired by my awesome name but that doesn’t mean this is my story.
  2. This is the first attempt to write something romantic so pleassse be a little less critical : – )
  3. If you still don’t know who Eddy is, you might wana read this and this.

2years ago…

I was bored and there was still a lot of time for my evening class. I had no one to hang out with so I decided to leave early and just roam around the city in the bus. I was waiting at the bus stop and a 103 comes. I don’t know where the bus goes but I see this b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l  girl sitting on the second  last seat next to the door. She had the headphones plugged in her ears and was singing along to some song. Our eyes met for the briefest moment and she smiled. She smiled..she SMILED, oh damn she smiled. Does she like me? Kind of maybe. Hassi toh fassi! I hope she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Impulsively I get in the bus. She had the most magical eyes I had ever seen but they wont tell me where the bus goes.  So when the conductor asked where did I want to go, I played safe and said “ Last “. Last means that I wanted a ticket to the last destination of the bus. I went and stood near her. She was looking out of the window busy with her music and did not notice me. But I noticed every bit of her. Long thick hair flying in the wind, big eyes lined perfectly with kajal and the red spects that made her look stylishly nerdy. Pink full lips and chubby-ish cheeks. My heart got stuck at the tiny little silver nose pin. She was simply dressed and was carrying 3 fat books. Financial Accounting and Economics. Commerce??!! These and the spects made her look like the geek of the century. But the most beautiful geek I had ever seen. I was thinking of ways to attract her attention…

  • Hi what’s ur name – too desperate
  • What music are u listening – had asked this to the last one. Dint work.
  • Yo! I love your eyes – creepy
  • I love you – wtf??!
  • Hey M Eddy – So?
  • U make me go craaaazyy  babyyyy – slap
  • Where is *Someplace* ? – Perfect.

I look at her and asked with what I hope was a ‘I am lost can you please help me’ expression – Excuse me, Where is Metro? She raised her right eyebrow, took out the headphone from left ear and said “Sorry?” Metro. Where is Metro? I repeated my question. She wanted to know whether I was looking for Metro Theatre or Metro Shoes. Shoes sounded a little dumb so I said Theatre. The magical eyebrows shot up and a magical smile appeared. She said “You got the wrong bus but you can get down after 5stops and then walk to Metro Theatre. It’ll be a 15minutes walk.” The musical concert resumed. How important was that music ya?? Couldn’t this girl see that I am trying to make a conversation? What do I say now? I just kept standing close to her and looking out of her window. She too was looking out and still singing along. I could atleast stare at her perfect face to my heart’s content. The nose pin….5minutes passed. I was thinking what to say next but to my horror, suddenly she got up and got ready to get down.

I couldn’t just let her get down here and then lose her in the crowd never to see her again. What if she was the one? Maybe god had set this whole thing up and I was supposed to get down here. This cant be happening. She brushed against me in the crowded bus and I felt chilly tremors all the way down to my feet. I think my heart even skipped a beat. No one messes with god. So I had to get down. What now? She told me to get down after 5 stops and here I was not only defying her instructions but also shamelessly following her and risking all my chances of potential future romance by portraying myself as a stalker. Still…I got down after her. It was raining. She opened her umbrella and stared at me. Not in a good way. I went upto her and said that I thought I would rather change the bus from here. Clever thinking. It looked like I had salvaged the situation because she then started telling me about the buses I can take. Beautiful girls should not be so helpful. Decent guys like me are rare. Very rare. I wish I could tell her this. When she was done doling out the information, there was an awkward pause. I knew that I couldn’t talk about anything else standing there in the middle of the road, but how was I supposed to just let my future wife (girlfriend atleast) walk away? I dint even know the name yet! With every ounce of courage that my body had, here’s what I managed –

(Smile) By the way, I am Eddy

(Smile) Mauli (good sign)

Handshake. Brief and firm. (good sign)

Mauli? Wao what a nice name! Bengali?

No Jain

Something told me that she too was interested in me. She too wanted to take this conversation forward. And this is what gave me the strength to say what I said –

So Mauli…Thanks a lot for helping me. We should keep in touch. No?

Awkward pause

Can I have your phone number or something?

More awkwardness. Shit shit shit. How could I ask for her NumBer?!

Well, you could take my email id…m gona change my number soon. But…I can take yours.

Probably a lie but what the heck. Atleast I am getting the id!

Okay sure.

With that I gave her my no and took her email id and we both went our separate ways. My way was just to figure out where the heck I was and how to get back home.

Meanwhile here is what went on in Mauli’s mind –

Omg omg omg omg! He was sooo cute and he was sooo interested in me. I am so excited about this cute random stranger. And this James Blunt isn’t getting out of my head…

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

I wana see him again..but I don’t know why I felt kinda scared giving him the phone number. Like email id is any different. A part of me said “this isn’t right. Stop.” And the other part said “Wtf. He so cute. I have never seen a better looking guy. And this whole thing so exciting” Guess the bigger part won. Its been 20 hours since we met and he hasn’t mailed me yet. Why why why could I not give my number. What can he do to me on the phone yaa…Now I have no clue where to find him. Nothing on orkut or even facebook. Why couldn’t he too give me an email id? Doesn’t it feel to fast to jump onto the phone straightaway? May be I can message him. I will HAVE to message him. How do it make it look cool and casual. I cant show how much I like him…

M : Hey Eddy. Mauli here. Remember me??

E : Yo Mauli! Of course I remember!!

Obviously you do you fool! I must have come across as very desperate getting in touch before he did. Butt..what the heck..He is Cute.

M : So wassup? Did u reach Metro that day?

E : Yeh I did. thnks again for all the help : )

Like this it started with extensive texting..moved upto talking on phone (they couldn’t save money by chatting because Eddy’s laptop wasn’t working) and meeting again. First meeting was a casual thing at CCD followed with a walk on marine drive, not holding hands but still romantic. After a movie meeting, another CCD meeting (cant call them “dates” yet) and 4 nights of talking on the phone for about 6 hours each, they met the fourth time. Both of them were anticipating “The” moment in their own ways.

According to herself, Mauli had made her interests in him quite clear. Why would a girl talk to some guy so much if she dint like him? She could do only so much. Now he should man up and ask her already. She would say a Yes – simple and clear..But only if he asks the question properly. She will not use the ‘lets take it slow and be just friends right now’. Wtf is the point of being “just friends” when everyone knows you are dating? She was praying that he wasn’t expecting her to pop the question. Good girls don’t do that. And besides she had already made the first move by messaging him the first time.

He had been fantasizing proposing her ever since he first saw her but still he had no idea what to ask. It had to be subtle. By now it felt like they knew each other since ages and she looked pretty much interested and all but you never know it with girls. There is always a chance and he dint wana take it. Not even 1%. If she said a NO it shouldn’t be very awkward. Infact in that case it shouldn’t even look like he asked her out. But it should also sound like a question so that she can say a clear Yes and not be confused.

A part of the conversation. The important part :

E : So Mauli what if I asked you out right now? (shit shit shit…m doing it! Heart relax plss..)

M : Mmmm..what if I ask you the same question? (shit shit shit..he is proposing me..but he isn’t asking properly..I will have to play around a bit till he asks the right way..)

E : I would say a Yes. Now what do you say?

M : I don’t know…(oh c’mon. Be a dude and ask it straight away! Cant you see I am just waaaaiting to say yes? )

E : You don’t know? What does that mean?! (I know you want this! Why cant you just say a proper yes and get done with it?! Whats this I don’t know business yaa..i know you know we both know. Just say it)

M : It means I don’t know…

E : ??

M : We could try..see how things work (this bastard isn’t gona say it. Bloody I’ll lose this chance if I say no and will have to ask him myself then. Lets just get done with it..anyways we both know this is a stupid formality..)

E : So is that a YES? (Obviously it is! Why cant you be clear woman??!)

M : I guess…(Obviously it’s a YES you fool)

E : So are we like official now?

M : Yeah. Officially boyfriend-girlfriend.

They sealed things with a handshake and its been happily ever after…till now atleast.


Did you laugh today?

14 Aug

Incase you havent laughed today yet, this video is definitely gona help. Found it accidentally but posting it here intentionally :) Enjoy!

A walk to remember

31 Jul

So while we are thinking of something to write about, here is a small picture post :)

These were taken on a rainy Sunday while walking from Churchgate Station to Crawford Market.

I must tell you that ‘We’ are no photographers and these pictures have been clicked with a phone camera. Also, the thought of editing makes me feel lazy…


1. Oval Maidan








































2. Why are you STILL so fascinated with mushrooms?!

3. Coz it was photogenic


4. HOW could they call it ‘Horni-man Circle’ ??


5. Pretty no?! I cant remember the name. Think it was some Library…


6. Happy family (looks like!) but not very stylish.


7. So this is where all the 10 rupee coins are!


8. This we all love. Specially when it rains :) Its a pity though we get only ‘american corn’ on Bombay streets…desi out


9. This is good photography


10. The coolest thing we have seen in a long while! Mini photo printers @ Gateway of India

(this was not a part of the walk)

Great Indian Vacation

28 Jul

Part 1 : Deciding Holiday Destination

(click on image to see a better view)

Part 2 : Train Journey

Part 3 : The Vacation

I lost my love, my life

21 Jul

You know Eddy (click to know who he is) as an engineering student. Here is another page from Eddy’s life…

Bored, cutoff, left alone, detached, distant, lonely, disconnected, divorced…is how I feel right now. Infact these words do not describe even 10% of what I am going through.

First my love, my better half , MY Compaq CQ 45 106 Au crashed. While I was slogging away at college, dreaming about her, little did I know what awaited me.  I had been downloading Call of duty : Modern warfare since 3-4nights and today my wait was to get over. By the time I would reach home, the download would be complete and I was set for the evening. I was desperate to play this game and be the first one in hostel to have it. What pleasure it is to have people begging you for something. And this was my chance. I rushed home from college without even saying bye to friends, and opened the .rar file. Avast detected a virus in the damned file and gave out a loud siren. I was consumed by greed and thought no virus can stop me today. I cursed and disabled the antivirus. The moment I opened the rar file, the lappie starting acting weird. CPU usage became 100% and about 1.5 gb (out of 2 gb) of RAM got allocated for some work. Her speed went down to the level of her ancestors. Great great great grandma. Now I was scared. What had I done to her? I tried to enable the antivirus but nothing happened. I panicked and did what anyone would have done in my situation – restarted her. But the damage was done. She wouldn’t talk to me and refused to boot. I was losing hope and then I remembered that yesterday I had removed recovery also to make space for the coveted game. F12 could do nothing now. I lost all hopes. Period.

I learnt the hard way – Laalach buri bala hai.

I was still coping up with the loss and had nothing to do in the evening. So I decided to go for a walk. Just me and my baby – Samsung Corby Pro. We would mourn for mummy and plan her treatment. Like my grief wasn’t enough for him to relish, god decided to test me further. He sent the rain god and took away my baby too. The sudden downpour did not give me a chance to put baby in the inside pocket of the windcheater. Before I knew what was happening, this one blanked out too. Just like that. My baby couldn’t survive this killer rain and went to his mumma. I tried to bring it back to life. Tried desperately. The water was dripping and the screen was pitch black..like her.

I almost lost consciousness. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted someone to tell me that this is just a bad dream and it wasn’t really happening. Somehow I dragged myself home. I was relived to see the room empty. I said a little prayer, apologized to god for all the bad things I had done and tried once again to get them back to life. Still nothing. I think a tear trickled down my cheek. I went for a hot shower, to sooth the aching heart.

I skipped dinner that night and went to sleep early. I couldn’t bear all the people around me with their phones and laptops. Once again I prayed that night for a miracle to happen. I woke up early in the morning hoping it was nightmare I would laugh about and tried again. I lost faith in god. The roommates asked me why I skipped dinner and if everything is okay. I told them the story in short and went for a bath. Quickly I dressed up and went down for breakfast. By now the news of my loss had spread. People consoled me and gave me all kinds of suggestions. No one knew what I was really going through. What had I done to my family. I left for college early. I wanted to be as alone as possible. Just me and my grief. I reached college and soon there also the sympathetic pats and loads of advice started pouring in. Someone gave me this to help me carry on with life.

Probably this was the punishment for the sins I committed in the past lives, the bad karma. Past lives because I certainly haven’t done anything in this life to deserve what I was going through. We were such an awesome threesome. All by ourselves, never needed anyone. One little happy family. All of it vanished in just a couple of hours.

Stranded , secluded, and solitary. I reached home (hostel room) to see everyone making slow love to their laptops. The sleek pretty things serving them like a good wife…obeying every command. Downloading free softwares, listening to music, watching movies, aimlessly surfing the web, playing games, chatting…all these luxuries that once defined my life now look like a distant dream. To make things worse the wifi router’s green LED is flickering constantly as if its taunting me, making fun of me for being stuck with this ‘thing’. It has a recharge of  Rs 100 that I especially got for my baby for him to surf net – 6o MB free per day for 30 days. The ‘thing’ has GPRS but it wouldn’t connect to the internet. I tried every two hours but it was behaving like a stubborn step-child who hated me and will do everything to make my life worse.

I threw it on the table and started reading the newspaper. I couldn’t concentrate and my head was heavy with the feeling of incompleteness. The ‘thing’ started vibrating and screaming loudly. It was so sudden that I almost got a heart attack. It was mom’s call. I told her about the double tragedy that had struck me. As expected she had no words of sympathy and told me to manage with the ‘thing’ until the rains stopped. She gave me a long lecture about not being careful and said that she wont give me the money for the treatment of my wife and child (she calls them laptop and phone respectively. Heartless I know…) before the rainy season ended. Had she lost her mind?? Had she forgotten this was Bombay? Here the rains don’t end. They just get worse. The rains were still gona stay for a good 2 months. There was no way I could stay alive that long without her and baby. But this wasnt the time to argue. I will have to try later. After 3-4 days may be. So I ended the conversation and switched the ‘thing’ to silent mode (thankfully it had that). I went to sleep.

I woke up for dinner. The sense of loss was weighing me down every waking moment. I could have killed for a look of Windows 7 screen and the Samsung animation. The sounds of startup all around me were making me a mad man. I decided it was safer to go down to the dining room. Food is generally the perfect cure for everything. But this wasn’t food. This was hostel food. Those who haven’t stayed in a hostel wouldn’t know what I am talking about. I had lost my appetite but I needed energy to survive and get them both back to life. So for the sake of my wife and child I gulped down the stuff and came back to room.

I tried to remember my life before technology. How and when did I fall into this addiction, I had no clue. Until college (about 2 years ago) what did I do? Back then I did not have a laptop or a phone. We did have a desktop , landline and papa’s mobile phone but I rarely used these things. So what did I do then? Why cant I remember anything…it wasn’t that long ago. And those people on streets without a phone or a laptop, how do they survive? I wanted to go back in time and see what my life was like then.

By now I had given up on treating her and baby myself. I would have to get professional help. Get the best doctors. But for that I needed money. The money my mom wouldn’t give me easily (and generously). I had no savings. So all I could do was wait. I could now feel the symptoms of addiction. It was like I wasn’t getting my daily dose of cocaine, methane, alcohol, marijuana whatever. I was feeling nauseated, sweaty and anxious. The eyes looked bloodshot and I became irritable. The peers and juniors faced sudden outbursts of anger. These people were good and rather took it well. They probably understood what I was going through and left me alone. I felt giddy and spaced out. Some of them even offered me their laptops for a while. I thought – Jo Eddy logo ko apna laptop deta tha 5-10 min ke liye net use karne ko, aaj wahi Eddy unhi logo ke saamne haat phela ke khada hai…

I had lost my love, my life. I could now feel the pain that Pearl Jam was talking about in Last kiss…

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

I wanted to google ‘ways to suicide’. I realised I don’t have access to Google.

I wanted to see the beautiful green dots and the chat boxes. The conversations that don’t go beyond hi – ssup – nm. The sound of those pop ups was the virtual heart beat pumping life into my virtual life. The life that is dead now. I feel cut-off from the world…like I am in a solitary confinement in jail (poor Quasab). I have not updated my facebook status for the past 30 hours. How is the world surviving? I have not logged in to the 3 email id’s either. The heaps of new mail that must have collected (so what if its spam?). Everyone around me is taking quizzes and must be beating my scores in mind jolt games. This is the only chance these bastards have. I wanted to see how many likes and comments I got for my new profile picture that I changed just yesterday (taken specially on marine drive for putting up on facebook. Damn I look so cool in that one). The biggest tension is Farmville. How are my cows, my pigs and my farm . The losses I must have made in the last 30 hours. I must request someone to atleast harvest the strawberries before they rot. The 500 free msgs per day scheme is being wasted royally. I haven’t invaded the inboxes of my friends and family depriving them of their daily doses of jokes and gyan.

I look at my envied 1TB hard disk lying useless in a corner. She is the only one who seems to be as much in pain as I am. I should probably lend it to people who can make use of it. Such as people who have a working laptop. I had stocked this one well with movies, sitcoms, videos , songs and games (because of which I am in this situation). Patiently I had downloaded all the dope over the time as a savior for my days of loneliness. In the last 2 years (almost) I don’t remember feeling ‘bored’. Heck I had even forgotten the word. I had to complete the seasons of How I met your mother and Prison break (3rd time).

I now realize why a laptop is also called a Notebook. Its because when is stops working, it becomes like a college notebook that no one opens.

Tonight I will apologise to her and baby for all the times I have been rude and impatient with them. The times I let other people use them without TLC (tender loving care).

When I dropped my baby down the second floor and tapped him with pencils and pens while he gave me the best travel music and on the go internet. He made sure I was always accessible to anyone who needed me. The time I cursed him for being slow (like his mom) and today for forgetting to take him out in his ziplock rainproof cover. I am sure he will understand and forgive the last (even though fatal) mistake because he knew how sad I was for her.

I will say sorry to her for the times I have been selfish and kept her on all night (sometimes for days continuously) downloading torrents. But I also treated her with all the luxuries internet could provide (for free). I would scan her regularly and update the antivirus. I would defragment her once in a while and gave her Uniblue Registry Booster 2010 and also TuneUp utilities 2010. I had recently bought new clothes for her (brand new laptop bag) and double secured her with a polybag in rains. But now I can only clean her from the outside. As repentance for ignoring her cries of pain (through Avast) and letting those viruses get into the system and ruin her. Ruin us. I am cleaning her LCD screen with a soft white tissue and the area around exhaust fan with a toothbrush. I wanted to apologise and thank her for being my constant companion for all this time. Saying nothing when I dropped food and water on her keyboard or even forgot to switch her off in the night. Maybe she needed this break and will now return faster, stronger and mightier.

Tonight I shall hug them both and sleep. Together we will dream about the future. Life where I will play Call of duty : Modern warfare as soon as she starts working.